The most important line for me is that “the obvious problem usually isn’t the problem.” That is the part many men miss. We think the marriage, the job, the money, or the lack of purpose is the whole issue. But sometimes those are just the places we were hiding.
I also appreciate the distinction between examining a life and anchoring it. Thoreau can wake a man up, but waking up is not the same as being held. Faith, small agency, and a few honest men is a real framework — not theory, not self-help decoration.
The male silence piece is the heart of it. And I have to say this: some of that silence is on us. We elect silence because we are afraid of showing weakness or vulnerability. So yes, when the 3 a.m. question arrives — who are you going to call? It certainly isn’t Ghostbusters.
Silence has been part of my world too, and in some ways I value it. But there comes a point when interacting and sharing with another human being is not just helpful — it is critical.
Men need to come to grips with this. As we get older and our circle of activities gets smaller, the natural opportunities to be around other men shrink too. Unless we have been cultivating talkers — men willing to be honest with each other — we can end up alone with things no man should have to carry alone.
Speaking of strong pieces - your comment. Thanks and I’m glad it resonated. And we do tend to keep to ourselves. We often see vulnerability as weakness, and we don’t like to appear weak. Also I feel like so many friends are casual, not a lot of depth or truly caring. “How’s it going?” “Oh, great, things are good.” On to the day’s news or sports.
prose is funny on social platforms. I dont know if you were being sarcastic or that i am stepping over the line. Just thought since you were talking about silence that we could share. thats all. not looking for anything more than that, and creating a discourse on a topic that men dont have as freely as the fairer gender is capable of.
The struggles that felt the most pointless in the moment are often the ones that end up carrying the most meaning. I've experienced this time and time again and the pattern only becomes visible looking backwards. There is a plan and a point. We just can't always see it from where we're standing.
The few honest men part also resonated. As a former counselor. I worked with people in some very difficult places: depression, PTSD, substance abuse. Having real, true friends, who can "call it like it is" is priceless and matters more than people know.
Thanks, Mike. That’s an interesting observation for sure. Distance gives clarity, and we definitely don’t know God’s plan for us. Sometimes he takes us through things we do not want to go through.
Excellent piece, Vic. One that certainly hits home for me. My solutions are quite similar; I simply take the opportunity to serve or be a servant leader for those in need and within my orbit, in the hopes that the small kindness, the helpful insight, or the moment of encouragement puts something positive back into the world and ripples beyond my eyesight.
Vic — this lands hard.
The most important line for me is that “the obvious problem usually isn’t the problem.” That is the part many men miss. We think the marriage, the job, the money, or the lack of purpose is the whole issue. But sometimes those are just the places we were hiding.
I also appreciate the distinction between examining a life and anchoring it. Thoreau can wake a man up, but waking up is not the same as being held. Faith, small agency, and a few honest men is a real framework — not theory, not self-help decoration.
The male silence piece is the heart of it. And I have to say this: some of that silence is on us. We elect silence because we are afraid of showing weakness or vulnerability. So yes, when the 3 a.m. question arrives — who are you going to call? It certainly isn’t Ghostbusters.
Silence has been part of my world too, and in some ways I value it. But there comes a point when interacting and sharing with another human being is not just helpful — it is critical.
Men need to come to grips with this. As we get older and our circle of activities gets smaller, the natural opportunities to be around other men shrink too. Unless we have been cultivating talkers — men willing to be honest with each other — we can end up alone with things no man should have to carry alone.
Strong piece.
Strong piece
Speaking of strong pieces - your comment. Thanks and I’m glad it resonated. And we do tend to keep to ourselves. We often see vulnerability as weakness, and we don’t like to appear weak. Also I feel like so many friends are casual, not a lot of depth or truly caring. “How’s it going?” “Oh, great, things are good.” On to the day’s news or sports.
if this interests you i have written a few articles on the topic of silence and men. if you are interested I could forward them
Sure, Thom.
prose is funny on social platforms. I dont know if you were being sarcastic or that i am stepping over the line. Just thought since you were talking about silence that we could share. thats all. not looking for anything more than that, and creating a discourse on a topic that men dont have as freely as the fairer gender is capable of.
Ah, sorry. I meant go ahead and send them!
Powerful.
Thank you, sir.
Vic, gonna have to comment on this 😉
The struggles that felt the most pointless in the moment are often the ones that end up carrying the most meaning. I've experienced this time and time again and the pattern only becomes visible looking backwards. There is a plan and a point. We just can't always see it from where we're standing.
The few honest men part also resonated. As a former counselor. I worked with people in some very difficult places: depression, PTSD, substance abuse. Having real, true friends, who can "call it like it is" is priceless and matters more than people know.
I'm gonna call my buddies now. Thanks Vic.
Thanks, Mike. That’s an interesting observation for sure. Distance gives clarity, and we definitely don’t know God’s plan for us. Sometimes he takes us through things we do not want to go through.
Excellent piece, Vic. One that certainly hits home for me. My solutions are quite similar; I simply take the opportunity to serve or be a servant leader for those in need and within my orbit, in the hopes that the small kindness, the helpful insight, or the moment of encouragement puts something positive back into the world and ripples beyond my eyesight.
It's amazing how being kind or helpful to someone else can light us up. It's the old "giving is better than receiving."
Thanks for leaving a comment!