The most important line for me is that “the obvious problem usually isn’t the problem.” That is the part many men miss. We think the marriage, the job, the money, or the lack of purpose is the whole issue. But sometimes those are just the places we were hiding.
I also appreciate the distinction between examining a life and anchoring it. Thoreau can wake a man up, but waking up is not the same as being held. Faith, small agency, and a few honest men is a real framework — not theory, not self-help decoration.
The male silence piece is the heart of it. And I have to say this: some of that silence is on us. We elect silence because we are afraid of showing weakness or vulnerability. So yes, when the 3 a.m. question arrives — who are you going to call? It certainly isn’t Ghostbusters.
Silence has been part of my world too, and in some ways I value it. But there comes a point when interacting and sharing with another human being is not just helpful — it is critical.
Men need to come to grips with this. As we get older and our circle of activities gets smaller, the natural opportunities to be around other men shrink too. Unless we have been cultivating talkers — men willing to be honest with each other — we can end up alone with things no man should have to carry alone.
Speaking of strong pieces - your comment. Thanks and I’m glad it resonated. And we do tend to keep to ourselves. We often see vulnerability as weakness, and we don’t like to appear weak. Also I feel like so many friends are casual, not a lot of depth or truly caring. “How’s it going?” “Oh, great, things are good.” On to the day’s news or sports.
prose is funny on social platforms. I dont know if you were being sarcastic or that i am stepping over the line. Just thought since you were talking about silence that we could share. thats all. not looking for anything more than that, and creating a discourse on a topic that men dont have as freely as the fairer gender is capable of.
Vic — this lands hard.
The most important line for me is that “the obvious problem usually isn’t the problem.” That is the part many men miss. We think the marriage, the job, the money, or the lack of purpose is the whole issue. But sometimes those are just the places we were hiding.
I also appreciate the distinction between examining a life and anchoring it. Thoreau can wake a man up, but waking up is not the same as being held. Faith, small agency, and a few honest men is a real framework — not theory, not self-help decoration.
The male silence piece is the heart of it. And I have to say this: some of that silence is on us. We elect silence because we are afraid of showing weakness or vulnerability. So yes, when the 3 a.m. question arrives — who are you going to call? It certainly isn’t Ghostbusters.
Silence has been part of my world too, and in some ways I value it. But there comes a point when interacting and sharing with another human being is not just helpful — it is critical.
Men need to come to grips with this. As we get older and our circle of activities gets smaller, the natural opportunities to be around other men shrink too. Unless we have been cultivating talkers — men willing to be honest with each other — we can end up alone with things no man should have to carry alone.
Strong piece.
Strong piece
Speaking of strong pieces - your comment. Thanks and I’m glad it resonated. And we do tend to keep to ourselves. We often see vulnerability as weakness, and we don’t like to appear weak. Also I feel like so many friends are casual, not a lot of depth or truly caring. “How’s it going?” “Oh, great, things are good.” On to the day’s news or sports.
if this interests you i have written a few articles on the topic of silence and men. if you are interested I could forward them
Sure, Thom.
prose is funny on social platforms. I dont know if you were being sarcastic or that i am stepping over the line. Just thought since you were talking about silence that we could share. thats all. not looking for anything more than that, and creating a discourse on a topic that men dont have as freely as the fairer gender is capable of.
Ah, sorry. I meant go ahead and send them!