Calling Yourself Christian vs. Living as a Christian

For years I went to church every Sunday. The proof my faith changed showed up in how I treat my wife.

Not long ago, if my wife needed help with something on her iPhone or her laptop, after about one or two exchanges, my patience would vanish and I’d shift into being irritated and condescending. Her eyes tend to glaze over when presented with too much information on a screen, and she can’t find what, to me, is clearly there.

More recently, these exchanges go very differently. I’m more patient and kind when helping her. Getting here took me a while. For years, I called myself Christian while giving very little thought to how that should affect my behavior.

I was raised Catholic, walked away from God when I was about 10 years old, and still remember the moment. You can read more about that here.

The point is that while I still went to church with my parents, it was meaningless to me, and I fell away from God for the next 25 years.

I never went full atheist, but I did consider myself agnostic.

A casual Christian

When I married the first time, my wife was a new Christian, and through her behavior, I was drawn to go to a non-denominational church with her.

I went to church every Sunday, listened to and liked the sermons, but it all felt surface level to me. I didn’t lead the family as a Christian man. I had friends who were pastors. I’d get together with them and ask the hard questions to which there are no clear-cut answers.

After my wife divorced me, I still called myself Christian. But my actions did not reflect that. I read my Bible in the morning and prayed occasionally. I was very much, as they say, “of this world.” Focused on material things. Money, sex, and the other things that come with being a successful, single older man.

Eventually I met the woman who is my current wife, and I’m ashamed to say that I was not the best man to her while we were dating, still clinging to some of my old ways.

Slowly, over time, her faithfulness and how she treated me showed me something I hadn’t really seen lived out. Years ago, my pastor friend Bryan Dwyer used the phrase “casual Christian.” I believe that many people who call themselves “Christian” are “casual” about it.

For a long time, I was one of them.

Understanding James

I used to be annoyed by the book of James, because he said that faith without works is dead:

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him?
James 2:14

I mean, we’re saved through faith alone, right?

There’s this belief that we are saved by faith and that because God is infinitely forgiving, we can keep on with our sinning as long as we feel bad about it afterwards and Repent™.

Over and over again.

It’s only recently that I’ve come to understand what he was saying. The next verses make it clear:

If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?
James 2:15-16

Do we really have faith if our actions don’t reflect it? Or are we just kidding ourselves?

We aren’t saved by works, but “works” are evidence of a changed heart. If we truly have faith, we will want and be led to behave as Christ wants us to.

Jesus himself told us this near the end of his Sermon on the Mount:

Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
Matthew 7:21

Walk the walk

I meet with a men’s group weekly that has one goal for its attendees: Walk the walk, don’t just talk the talk. The analogy is that Christ is the plumb line in our lives. If a building is out of plumb, it will eventually fall down or at the very least suffer serious structural issues.

As men, we can never be completely “plumb,” but it is our job as Christians to keep Christ as our reference and to behave in a way that is as close to that reference as we can.

When I help my wife with a computer issue and I’m more patient and kind, that’s not me behaving differently through willpower alone. That’s my faith showing up in my behavior.

Am I perfect at it? Hardly. But my faith is changing how I want to treat her. I still have to choose how I respond. Daily.

I still get angry. I still struggle mightily with “Love your enemies.”

One thing that I think is downplayed in the Christian faith is fear of the Lord. I rarely hear that talked about in sermons. It’s often about love and infinite forgiveness because we are His children. When we leave out fear of God, it becomes easier to dismiss the consequences of how we live.

We all fall short, myself included. But if you call yourself Christian and you’re repeatedly watching porn, continually angry, or speaking harshly to your wife on a regular basis, take an honest look at what you’re asking forgiveness for day after day, week after week, month after month.

If we keep asking forgiveness while refusing to confront our behavior, we’re giving ourselves permission to continue. We have to be willing to surrender those things.

Ask Him. And admit you can’t change by yourself.

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If this resonated with you, I write every week about faith, identity, and life in the second half.

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Vic built and sold ScreenRant.com and GameRant.com, then rebuilt himself in his sixties.

He writes at TheRedeemedSecondHalf.com for men rebuilding the second half of life.